The Three Musts of Bringing Up Children

2006-12-07

These are some notes from a course I took called Effective Parenting.

In a fallen world, it is imperative to be able to know how to raise children up biblically. If parents do what comes naturally when raising their children, they will fail. Likewise, children are not born tabula rasa; they are born sinners and will not mature into godly people naturally. Not only is it important to shepherd children for the sake of their own souls, but also for the sake of parents involved with ministry, since poor parenting can destroy what parents hope to accomplish in their ministry. In order to train up a child as the Scriptures command (Proverbs 22:6), one must adhere to three integral aspects of parenting. These include conviction, concern, and consistency.

Conviction establishes boundaries for children so they know what the parents expect, how and when they should respond, and what the consequences are if they choose to disregard parental instruction. These principles ought to govern every relationship in the household. Three basic convictions are no disobedience, no disrespect, and no dishonesty. When children disobey, they must face the consequences, since consequences are the best teachers. Respect for others includes respecting authority, the rights and feelings of others, and property (including their own).

Concern includes knowing your children and communicating openly with them. One must know their children, such as their fears, desires and distastes, whether their word can be trusted, and who their friends are. This also includes knowing one’s own weaknesses, since one’s own weaknesses often will be prevalent in the child also. The parent needs to be aware of the child’s activities at all ages. It is important to recognize these things as the responsibility of both parents, especially the father (Ephesians 6:4; Titus 2:4), though often the mother is seen to be the primary figure raising the children.

Consistency, holding to the same principles of practice, is imperative for children because it gives them security. Parents need to be consistent because God is consistent and never changes (Hebrews 13:8). Inconsistency shows how parents can be liars, since the children recognize that the parents arbitrarily choose when to follow through with discipline. Children also will learn to see how far they can go in disobedience before the parents respond, which will instill rebellion in children.

Raising children in an ungodly world is difficult. Holding to certain principles must be followed in order to bring up godly children. These principles must include holding to certain convictions (no disobedience, disrespect, or dishonesty), concern, which involves constant awareness and communication with the children, and consistency when dealing with the children. By adhering to these one can raise children properly and drive foolishness from them (Proverbs 22:15).