The Relationship Between Husband and Wife

2006-11-07

Women and men think very differently. They each have a certain grid through which they view the actions and words of others. According to Eggerichs, women have a deep need to be loved and men have a deep need to be respected. Furthermore, he states that when women feel unloved, they often react disrespectfully, and when men feel disrespected, they often react in an unloving fashion. The consequence of this is a vicious cycle of unloving and disrespectful behavior and response. Only when motivated by the Lord, both man and woman can love and respect their spouse unconditionally. The following discussion will elaborate on two applications to Eggerichs’ thesis.

According to Eggerichs, the wife believes her acts of love are respectful and the husband believes his acts of respect are loving (Eggerichs 4). Most conflicts in marriage are based on misunderstanding. If this is true, men and women must be able to understand their partners better. Because of the wife’s need for love and the husband’s need for respect, Paul gave the commands in Ephesians 5:22ff for the one partner to serve the other in a specific way in order to edify the other. For some examples, according to Eggerichs, would be how a wife appreciates when her husband has a face-to-face closeness with her, is open with his emotions, and empathizes with her without trying to solve her problems (11). A husband appreciates when his wife values his partnership and pastimes, or a shoulder-to-shoulder friendship (Eggerichs 12).

It is imperative for both partners to understand their position before the Lord. Loving and respecting one another cannot be done without the power of the Lord (Galatians 5:16, 22f). This is clearly evident, for example, in Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.” How could any man in his own strength love another as Christ loved? No one can serve another as the Lord did unless the same is constantly trusting in Christ alone.

Only with motivation of the Lord’s grace can one love or respect one’s spouse unconditionally. Particular means of how such truth can be lived out is understanding one’s partner’s differences and understanding one’s position before God. Most importantly it is only in the Lord’s strength that one can serve others as He desires.

Sources

Eggerichs, Emerson. Love and Respect: Marriage Conference Workbook. Grand Rapids: Love and Respect Ministries, 2006.